im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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