member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
