I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The uberlube is also flammable
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
