Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
