Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
