Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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