was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
