i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize