i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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