I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
