I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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