he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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