I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
