Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
