What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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