i don't like sucking hair
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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