I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
