gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
