with your own penis?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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