toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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