I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
