I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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