No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
