This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
