I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
