I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
