You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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