The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
