I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
