Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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