im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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