I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
