I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
