1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
