i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
