He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
