I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
