ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
