just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
