So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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