Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is my gift to your gina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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