You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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