just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
