I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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