I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
