I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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