Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
