i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
