So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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