I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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