I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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