Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize