I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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