Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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