I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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