dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
