I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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