I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
