I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
