I have demons in me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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