Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
