You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
