I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
