I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
