Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
